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12 Steps to Get Long Hair and Not Care

It’s that time of year again, at least if you live on the west coast, and if you are like us you are officially in the off season. There are no big boofs or giant holes within a 2 days drive and the urge to quit work/school, buy a sprinter van, and default on your mortgage to chase after the whitewater season is growing every day. Fortunately for you, we have come up with a 12 step training program to get you through those dark, dry days. 

  1. Throw away your scissors. You won’t be needing them where we are going.
  2. Get a ripper, it will make you way better at kayaking than sitting on the couch watching all those videos of Aniol cobra flipping. 
  3. Buy the Lizzo album Cuz I Love You—make sure it has the bonus tracks, especially Boys. Learn every word to the aforementioned album and practice your singing voice in the car. 
  4. Get a gym membership and watch Robert Frank’s Passion of the Gainz. Happy Gainzvember.
  5. Instead of waiting around for the Little White to come in (or insert any other world class run that’s close to you), take your new slicer to the class 3 run and rip it up. Practice your splats and stern squirts, flip over a bunch and maybe carp a few rolls. Try things you aren’t already good at, maybe even that cobra flip…
  6. When you get back out on a challenging run in your creek boat just remember that you aren’t in that super squirrely small Ripper anymore and be grateful. 
  7. Start subjecting your kayaking squad to Lizzo and your ability to sing along to every word in the car.
  8. When your friend looks at you in the eddy above a big rapid with terror in their eyes, just bust out a bar of your fav Lizzo banger and peel the fuck out.
  9. Get out at the bottom and hold a rope for your friend who was hopefully inspired by your confidence and lack of taking yourself too seriously. 
  10. Buy a brush and some conditioner, by this time your hair is gonna need it.
  11. If you haven’t already, name your kayaks. See previous post.
  12. Reflect back on how far you have come in getting long hair and not caring. Note how much stronger you are going into the rainy season and how much more fun you had staying swole during the dry season. 
Gettin squirreled on the South Yuba

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  1. Anna Wagner says:


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